The Power of Prosody: Tone of Voice & the Attachment System
Tone of voice, or prosody, is a huge part of how your Attachment system works. Tone of voice can trigger the amygdala immediately — it’s designed to be an instant danger signal. What happens in women's voices when they get activated or they see danger? They get shrill. That’s like a siren call back to tribal days, to get some [...]
Play and the Gleam Beam
One of the best things you can do with your partners is be playful, and appropriately playful with your clients. That’s a really big nourishment for the attachment bond. You tilt everything in your favor by keeping the attachment bond going. I call the attachment gaze the gleam beam. This is a skill you can teach your clients or do [...]
Anger Feels Better than Fear
Anger & Aliveness: Holding It In Interestingly enough, anger uses the same energy as aliveness, vitality, vibrancy, and passion, but it has a lot of toxicity in it. So what we are trying to do is let the anger discharge - maybe through acting from within the defensive response or using defensive words such as; "No!" or "Back off!" to try [...]
Discharging “Bound” Energy [Watch This!]
It's true, when we are overwhelmed this energy of ours gets "locked down." The key is in "discharging" the once bound energy. Watch Somatic Experiencing pioneer Peter Levine as he demonstrates his popular Slinky presentation and discusses the enormous effects trauma has on the nervous system, and how he approaches treating trauma. "When you are suppressing energy, you don't have energy to really live, you're not living, you're using [...]
9 Quick Start Tips for Integrating “Disorganized” Into Your Practice
QUICK START TIPS and Goals for Integrating Module 4(DISORGANIZED/DISORIENTED/TYPE D) Into Your Lifeand PracticeGoals: Safety First Then Mobilization from Immobilization ASAP! Installing a “Competent Protector”: Watch this Cougar vs. Bear Cub video It helps to reinforce the reality of “protective energy” to remind the client that ultimately the baby bear will be alright (There's an excellent surprise "momma bear" ending you [...]
Integrating or “Disintegrating” the Experience of Anger or Fear
One of the things that I find interestingly helpful when somebody is really stuck in what I call a "rage cycle" and I mean really stuck in it, is to ask them, “Is this Integrating for you or is it Disintegrating?” And, so far almost everybody has been able to answer that question. If they say, Disintegrating, I’ll say, [...]
Video 5: Disorganized Attachment In Couples
In the last video, we talked about disorganized attachment in individuals. This time I'll answer your questions about dealing with couples when both partners have a disorganized attachment pattern. This final video will cover topics including: 1) How disorganized attachment develops 2) Down-regulating yourself and your partner 3) Spending individual time with each partner in a therapy session 4) Teaching [...]
Avoidant: Kind Eyes Exercise
Imagine you are looking out into the world and seeing kind eyes looking back at you. Perhaps you remember a time you showed up unexpected at a friend’s door, and they opened the door truly delighted to see YOU! What happens in and around your eyes, your body, your emotional state? This guy, the Dalai Lama, has been through tons of trauma! [...]
Video 4: Disorganized Attachment
Our last video offered some ways for you to stay centered when things get challenging in a therapy session. In this video we'll take a closer look at disorganized attachment‒one of the more challenging and complex attachment styles to work with! The top two questions I address include: 1) How do you work with a "borderline" situation in a client? [...]
Avoidant & Needs: Corrective Strategies
Avoidants want someone in the house—just not in the same room! Expertly noted by Dr. Stan Tatkin throughout this blog from his publication: I Want You In The House, Just Not In My Room... Unless I Ask You: The Plight of The Avoidantly Attached Partner in Couples Therapy. The other thing that’s a hallmark for an Avoidant is: if you [...]