One of  the  things  that I  find interestingly  helpful when somebody is really stuck in what I call a “rage  cycle”  and I mean really stuck  in  it, is to  ask  them, “Is this Integrating for you or is it Disintegrating?”  

And, so far   almost  everybody  has  been  able  to  answer  that question.

If  they  say, Disintegrating, I’ll  say,  “Well,  you  know, there  is probably something else  in the  picture  that  we’re  not  seeing,  and I wonder if there  is  another  feeling,  maybe  this  feeling  is  easier  to feel than  that  feeling?”

Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D., Dynamic Attachment Re-Patterning ExperienceI always  do  my  Columbo  Therapy exercise (and I do  a  really  good  Columbo  therapy that imitates Inspector  Columbo  character!). “I   don’t know, I’m kind  of  curious well this  keeps happening and I am sort  of  wondering,  you think there could be anything…  Mmmh,  what  about this?” And, sometimes,  when  somebody  is  really locked  in,  it seems to help  to  do  a  little  bit  of  Columbo:  you  are curious,  and  you are  just,  “I  don’t  know!  I  wonder  if…?”, “How  do you  feel  about feeling  helpless?”  or,  “How’s  sadness  for  you? because  it  just  seems that  this  is  really  a  strong  place  you  live  in, and  it also  seems  to  be getting in the way in a lot of your relationships and that is hurting  you.

forest-549664_640You can even try saying something like it  doesn’t seem to be really working,  is  that  how  you  feel?”  You can go on about this, I mean,  it’s  a softer  version  of  doctor  Phil’s,  “How’s  that  working  for  you?”  It’s  a much friendlier version  of  that.  

If you’re interested in more information on Disorganized Attachment and Module 4, sign up for our next workshop below.

DARe 4: From Wound to Wellness
Cincinnati, Ohio w/ Patti Elledge
March 26-29, 2015 – CLICK HERE to Register

This blog was written from the Module 4-2 transcript: Uncoupling two conflicting instinctive drives that have become cross-wired

One Comment

  1. Elena February 2, 2015 at 11:13 am

    My question, after hearing the *disintegrating* answer would be: Have you played with integration? Put that smile on your face. Tow that line. Reach for the positive.

    Been there, done that, and disintegration persists. Ouch.

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