One of the things that I find interestingly helpful when somebody is really stuck in what I call a “rage cycle” and I mean really stuck in it, is to ask them, “Is this Integrating for you or is it Disintegrating?”
And, so far almost everybody has been able to answer that question.
If they say, Disintegrating, I’ll say, “Well, you know, there is probably something else in the picture that we’re not seeing, and I wonder if there is another feeling, maybe this feeling is easier to feel than that feeling?”
I always do my Columbo Therapy exercise (and I do a really good Columbo therapy that imitates Inspector Columbo character!). “I don’t know, I’m kind of curious well this keeps happening and I am sort of wondering, you think there could be anything… Mmmh, what about this?” And, sometimes, when somebody is really locked in, it seems to help to do a little bit of Columbo: you are curious, and you are just, “I don’t know! I wonder if…?”, “How do you feel about feeling helpless?” or, “How’s sadness for you? because it just seems that this is really a strong place you live in, and it also seems to be getting in the way in a lot of your relationships and that is hurting you.
You can even try saying something like it doesn’t seem to be really working, is that how you feel?” You can go on about this, I mean, it’s a softer version of doctor Phil’s, “How’s that working for you?” It’s a much friendlier version of that.
If you’re interested in more information on Disorganized Attachment and Module 4, sign up for our next workshop below.
DARe 4: From Wound to Wellness Cincinnati, Ohio w/ Patti Elledge March 26-29, 2015 – CLICK HERE to Register
This blog was written from the Module 4-2 transcript: Uncoupling two conflicting instinctive drives that have become cross-wired
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