Even if you are a cheerleader for your loved ones, you might be overly critical of yourself. Your inner critic will override all accomplishments and milestones you achieve if you let it. We often speak to ourselves so cruelly, using language we would never talk to another person.
Secure Attachment and the Inner Critic
Silencing your inner critic requires practice, and may require the assistance of a qualified therapist, but there are some steps you can take to quiet the critic and move toward Secure Attachment.
Whose Words Are You Speaking?
Many of the statements we tell ourselves are not our own words, but words we heard from others. Parents, peers, siblings, and partners can all impact the way we feel about ourselves. Spiteful words, spoken in conflict, can stick.
Ask yourself, who said those words to you? Are the criticisms you have your own language or the language of others?
Identify the source of those critical words and give them back to their rightful owner. Don’t let them be your own.
Hopefully, you don’t expect perfection in others, so why would you hold yourself to a higher standard?
We are a collection of myriad qualities and characteristics. It is what makes us multi-dimensional and unique. Often our flaws are as identifying as our strengths and also provide valuable content for our life stories.
Sensitivity breeds compassion.
Gullibility is innocence.
Procrastination is living in the moment.
For every negative trait, you can spin a positive quality and see yourself through a lens of kindness.
Compassion is a muscle you can develop for yourself and others. It’s a skill. It requires practice.
Eliminate Negative Self-Talk
Like breaking any habit, eliminating negative self-talk requires practice.
Recognize the first hint of negativity
Stop it in its tracks
Replace the negative thought with a positive one
This is not to say we can’t strive to improve our flaws, but dwelling in the negative zone holds us back.
Secure Attachment does not leave space for inner critics to run wild. Self-regulation is just one aspect of moving toward Secure Attachment. Your inner critic can block the door to healthy relationships with yourself and others.