Are you someone actively looking for a partner and find yourself on the dating scene? Having an awareness of your Attachment style, as well as your potential partner’s Attachment style, can help you cut through the sometimes confusing and emotionally troubling dating experience.
Identify Attachment Styles through Text Message Behavior
Like it or not, texting is an integral part of the dating process today. With dating apps dominating the online partner-hunting process, reaching out via text is more common than having lengthy phone calls with contenders for your heart. Here are some ways you can quickly identify a person’s Attachment style by keen observation of their texting habits.
When your potential mate is Securely Attached, you will likely find him or her texting in a responsive, but non-overwhelming way. If they are interested in you, you will be able to tell because of their attentive nature and ability to share information about their lives with you.
If they don’t have that loving feeling, Securely Attached individuals will likely “let you down gently.” After all, hurting people is not standard practice for someone who is Secure.
If your new interest is Avoidantly Attached, you can expect “the three-day rule” on texting and arranging another date. You might also find that your new Avoidant connection pulls away if he or she gives up too much personal insight on a first date. Don’t expect an immediate text back and remember that this is not a reflection on you. If they are interested in your company, you might not know it until a sudden reconnection occurs. If they are not, they may just “ghost” and stop responding altogether.
Don’t feel surprised if your new Ambivalent love interest bombards you with texts which can increase in intensity and frequency if you do not respond right away. You may start to sense that your new connection is clingy and demanding even when communicating casually. People with Ambivalent Attachment characteristics often need more reassurance than other Attachment styles.
If you have identified an online dating interest’s Attachment style through simple communication behaviors, what can you do about it? The best approach is to decide what level of commitment you want to make to a partner with Attachment adaptations and how well-equipped he or she is to work with your Attachment style.
Having knowledge of Attachment theory will never replace attraction and chemistry, but it can provide insights into what the future may hold with a new partner.