attchAnytime you are with another person, attachment is operating. Anytime somebody walks in your office as a client, your attachment system comes into play, whether you realize the impact of that or not. And there are just two people, so the more you get a chance to check out what your own situation is—and maybe move more closely to secure attachment if it’s not already secure—you can present secure attachment more effectively.

That’s a huge invitation for the other person to start moving towards it!

It’s not always in a non-verbal way, though. When we have our attachment system, there is a part of us that’s programmed by it, like the software in the computer. Sometimes you need to point out what you would think would be obvious. When you start to see someone move towards secure attachment, you need to say it. You need to emphasize it so they start to get it and recognize how it feels different, and then they can transfer that skill into their other relationships.


  1. Elena December 24, 2014 at 8:17 pm

    Stephanie, what does it look like to *get it*?

    • Stephanie December 27, 2014 at 11:47 am

      Very transforming & enlightening. Not all people will see it until they’ve gone through these verbal exercises and experienced something life-changing!

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