Genuinely connected partners will be the first to admit that their relationships are not perfect, but individuals with Secure Attachment share many characteristics, making it possible to manage the challenges that arise constructively.
Here are 3 of the many signs that you and your partner share Secure Attachment.
#1 You Both Feel Comfortable Being Your Authentic Selves
Trusting your partner to love you whether you snort when you laugh, ugly cry, or you have a side of yourself that you are not exactly proud of indicates the trust you have within your relationship. No one is their best self 24/7 and loving your partner (and yourself) through every dimension of your character can be both liberating and a relief to you both.
Full acceptance of one another fosters an even deeper connection, and sharing your authentic self with one another deepens trust, intimacy, and security.
#2 You Self-Regulate and Co-Regulate When Needed
When life throws a curveball, the ability to self-regulate, and restore a healthy emotional state indicates Secure Attachment.
Common in people with Ambivalent Attachment adaptation, requiring co-regulation with the inability to self-regulate can stress relationships, especially when couples experience difficulty within their partnership.
Conversely, individuals with Avoidant Attachment adaptation self-regulate to the extreme, as co-regulation feels risky to them.
The ability to restore one’s emotional state, and to accept (and provide) partner support, provides a healthy balance within the relationship and an opportunity to increase intimacy.
Mutual trust between partners knowing that they can count on one another strengthens their foundation as a couple.
#3 You Feel Safe and Valued by One Another
“You are safe with me.”
Knowing that your partner will be there for you during difficult times and that every disagreement does not come down to threats of ending the relationship is an essential ingredient of trust.
Couples who have a shaky foundation may threaten to leave one another for even the smallest conflicts. Voicing that option continuously establishes that neither of you feels secure in working through challenges.
In most relationships, you will not find partners who show gratitude and praise for every mundane daily task. Remembering to show your partner appreciation regularly for both big and small things will prevent a complacent attitude that they might interpret as an expectation by you or feel taken for granted.