We all want to be Super Parents and give our kids everything they need to ensure a successful future. This pressure you place on yourself can have a negative impact on your stress level, undermining your ultimate goal.
If you have past trauma or Attachment injury, this can double the pressure to do everything right because you intimately understand how it feels when things go wrong.
Here are some tips to consider:
Step One: Let it Go
The perfect parent does not exist, nor does it need to. According to developmental psychologist, Edward Tronick, even exceptional parents are only 20-30 percent attuned to their children, but even this amount of attunement can lead to Secure Attachment if parents are willing to repair the ruptures that occur between them and their children.
According to Dan Siegel, these are the four S’s of Secure Attachment:
Parents should provide a compassionate environment and be aware of the child’s needs. Securely Attached children feel comfortable exploring the world and then coming back to the parent to touch home base before returning to their independent exploration.
They don’t feel that their parents will stop loving them because of their behavior or their independence.
Step Two: Learn from Your Mistakes (and Others’ Mistakes)
Embodying at least some of your parents’ personality traits is unavoidable. When thinking back to your childhood, you can probably pinpoint a few of the mistakes your own parents made that may have negatively impacted your ability to develop Secure Attachment. Awareness can lead to a parenting awakening that gives you the opportunity to do things differently.
Step Three: Learn what Works for Your Child
Each child has a unique personality and unique needs. The concept of 30 percent attunement is a guideline. Children who are HSP (highly sensitive people) may need more connection, while more independent children can need less. “Being there” when your child requests connection, comfort, or closeness is what’s important, even when the occasional parenting mistake occurs.
Children are incredibly forgiving, especially when they know they are protected in a comforting shield of unconditional love.
Are You Ready to Heal?
It’s never too late to develop Secure Attachment. Our skilled and compassionate team led by Dr. Diane Poole Heller, Attachment and Trauma therapist and educator, is looking for 24 select people to join our Certificate Program.
If you are a therapist, coach, bodyworker, or serious seeker looking for in-depth knowledge about healing trauma and Attachment injury, enquire by emailing [email protected] or visit our Certificate page.