Couples

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The Power of Attachment Now Available for Pre-Order

How traumatic events can break our vital connections—and how to restore love, wholeness, and resiliency in your life. From our earliest years, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our daily emotional landscape, our relationships, and how we feel about ourselves. And in the wake of a traumatic event—such as a [...]

What Does Codependency Mean, Anyway?

People often throw the term “codependency” around, and upon first inspection, you might exclude yourself from this term based on the negative connotation. Many people, however, find themselves in codependent relationships at some point during their lives, and recognizing the signs can help you get a handle on your relationship. Simply put, codependent individuals rely on and [...]

Is Insecure Attachment Ruining Your Sex Life?

Perhaps one of the most complex aspects of long-term relationships is sexual satisfaction because of factors such as imbalance of desire (real or perceived), pressure, power, shame, and partners' Attachment styles. Securely Attached – Attuned and Receptive While challenges such as an imbalance of desire can still impact sexual satisfaction in Securely Attached couples, they often [...]

Why You Need a Roadmap to Secure Attachment

Trauma and Secure Attachment are like oil and water. As Robert Jay Lifton says, “Trauma is broken connection.” The question at the heart of my work is how to repair broken connection. In my new CD set, Healing Your Attachment Wounds: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships, I dive deep into my explorations and [...]

3 Ways to Restore Connection after an Argument with Your Partner

An argument with your partner can lead to fight/flight or freeze response. If you have been together for any length of time, you probably know what to expect and dread the hours of silence or the slamming of doors following a relationship blowout. Perhaps the most difficult part of being in adult relationships is overcoming the [...]

Resolving Threat to Restore the Capacity to Connect

Humans, like all species, are designed for survival. Our neurological response to threat focuses its efforts toward that purpose. When we sense danger, we require no conscious input into the activation of our sympathetic nervous system. You can’t take time to evaluate the situation when a hungry mountain lion plunges into your path. Quick response is [...]

Lifelong Neuroplasticity to Engender and Enhance Connection

Identifying habitual patterns and individual Attachment styles presents an opportunity to take action in your own life or in your approach with couples therapy clients who struggle with shame, past trauma, or Attachment adaptations that inhibit connection and satisfaction in their relationships. Change Your Life by Changing Your Brain  Our brains can change. Our brains are [...]

Valentine’s Day Video – Deepening Intimacy

Happy Valentine's Day! You can celebrate deepening intimacy and connection with your partner, children, colleagues, and friends on a deep level and learn how to sustain those important relationships in your life. Norman Doidge, MD, says the brain loves novelty and that this novelty is part of keeping romance and interest alive. I hope you find [...]

Video 5: Disorganized Attachment In Couples

In the last video, we talked about disorganized attachment in individuals. This time I'll answer your questions about dealing with couples when both partners have a disorganized attachment pattern. This final video will cover topics including: 1) How disorganized attachment develops 2) Down-regulating yourself and your partner 3) Spending individual time with each partner in a [...]

Avoidant & Needs: Corrective Strategies

Avoidants want someone in the house—just not in the same room! Expertly noted by Dr. Stan Tatkin throughout this blog from his publication: I Want You In The House, Just Not In My Room... Unless I Ask You: The Plight of The Avoidantly Attached Partner in Couples Therapy. The other thing that’s a hallmark for an [...]