How Do Digital Devices Impact the Brain?

No matter where you look these days, it seems like a majority of the population is glued to their digital devices. Oftentimes, you can even spot couples who are clearly out for a date night ignoring one another and focusing on their smartphone screens instead, essentially shutting out the other person. What happens in the brain [...]

The Power of Prosody: Tone of Voice & the Attachment System

Tone of voice, or prosody, is a huge part of how your Attachment system works. Tone of voice can trigger the amygdala immediately — it’s designed to be an instant danger signal. What happens in women's voices when they get activated or they see danger? They get shrill. That’s like a siren call back to tribal [...]

Integrating or “Disintegrating” the Experience of Anger or Fear

One of  the  things  that I  find interestingly  helpful when somebody is really stuck in what I call a "rage  cycle"  and I mean really stuck  in  it, is to  ask  them, “Is this Integrating for you or is it Disintegrating?”   And, so far   almost  everybody  has  been  able  to  answer  that question. If  they [...]

Avoidant: Kind Eyes Exercise

Imagine you are looking out into the world and seeing kind eyes looking back at you. Perhaps you remember a time you showed up unexpected at a friend’s door, and they opened the door truly delighted to see YOU! What happens in and around your eyes, your body, your emotional state? This guy, the Dalai Lama, has been [...]

Avoidant & Needs: Corrective Strategies

Avoidants want someone in the house—just not in the same room! Expertly noted by Dr. Stan Tatkin throughout this blog from his publication: I Want You In The House, Just Not In My Room... Unless I Ask You: The Plight of The Avoidantly Attached Partner in Couples Therapy. The other thing that’s a hallmark for an [...]

Video 1: Language of Attachment

In this first video, I address how you can speak to each attachment style with your clients. Avoidant Adoption Attachment - How to emphasis other and give up addiction for being alone. Importance of including other. Ambivalent Attachment - Unpredictability for the baby when getting inconsistent love response from parents. Over focus on other. Help them [...]

Santa’s Tips for a Securely Attached Christmas

  Each holiday season I like to send out my favorite list of the small BIG things that can enrich our relationships. If you have something to add, I would love to hear from you please comment below! I am also putting all my DVDs on sale, with a special gift since we are often so [...]

Working with the Very Dysfunctional, ‘Disorganized Adaption’

A Discussion on Strategies, Behaviors & Corrective Experiences with this Competent Protector  One of the most important corrective experiences that I am going to discuss in this training is re­‐establishing a sense of safety because safety was so disrupted in the original experience–and one of the ways we can access that is installing a competent protector: giving the possibility [...]

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