Attachment Styles Quiz

Know your Adult Attachment Style

When completing this questionnaire, please focus on one significant relationship – ideally a current or past partner as the focus here is on adult relationships. This does not necessarily need to be a romantic relationship but must be the individual with whom you feel the most connection. Who is your primary “go to” person if you’re sick, in trouble, want to celebrate, call with news, etc.

This questionnaire is designed to be an interactive learning tool. Please highlight, circle, or comment on any statements that are particularly relevant to you or that you’d like to revisit for exploration at a later time.

When responding, consider how strongly you identify with each statement – disagree, mostly agree, strongly agree. Using the scale below, respond in the space provided.

Answer the questions below
DisagreeSometimes AgreeMostly AgreeStrongly Agree
I feel like my partner is always there but would often prefer to have my own space unless I invite the connection.
When my partner arrives home or approaches me, I feel inexplicably stressed - especially when s/he wants to connect.
My partner often comments or complains that I am controlling.
I want to be close with my partner but feel angry at my partner at the same time.
Sometimes I prefer casual sex instead of a committed relationship.
I sometimes feel superior in not needing others and wish others were more self-sufficient.
I attempt to discover and meet the needs of my partner whenever possible and I feel comfortable expressing my own needs.
I look at my partner with kindness and caring and look forward to our time together.
I am comfortable being affectionate with my partner.
I often expect the worst to happen in my relationship.
When I lose a relationship at first I might experience separation elation and then become depressed.
It is a priority to keep agreements with my partner.
I override my instinctive self-protective responses when possible danger is present - sometimes feeling immobilized, disconnected, or "gone".
It is difficult for me to be alone. If alone, I feel abandoned, hurt, and angry.
I find myself minimizing the importance of close relationships in my life.
I actively protect my partner from others and from harm and attempt to maintain safety in our relationship.
I have an exaggerated startle response when others approach me unexpectedly.
I act like I don't need reassurance or encouragement when sometimes I, in fact, do.
I am more prone to feeling sorry for myself when I have a problem than to take action and solve it.
Stuck in approach-avoidance patterns with my partner, I want closeness but am also afraid of the one I desire to be close with.
When I reach a certain level of intimacy with my partner, I sometimes experience inexplicable fear.
It is easier for me to think things through than to express myself emotionally.
When I give more than I get I often resent this and harbor a grudge. It is difficult to receive love from my partner when they express it.
I prefer relationships with things or animals instead of people.
I struggle to feel safe with my partner. Protection often feels out of reach.
If my partner and I hit a glitch it is relatively easy for me to apologize, brainstorm a win-win solution, or repair the misattunement or disharmony.
People are essentially good at heart.
I want to be close with my partner but feel angry at my partner at the same time. Sometimes I pick fights when my partner shows up when we go on a "long awaited for" vacation.
I chronically second-guess myself and sometimes wish I had said something differently.
When presented with problems, I often feel stumped and feel they are irresolvable.
I often find eye contact uncomfortable and particularly difficult to maintain.
I have a hard time remembering and discussing the feelings related to my past attachment situations. I disconnect or dissociate and get confused.
It is difficult for me to say NO or to set realistic boundaries.
I can keep secrets, protect my partner's privacy, and respect boundaries.
Sometimes, I over-function, over-adapt, over-accommodate others, or over-apologize for things I did not do.
I feel like I over-focus on others in general and tend to lose myself in relationships.
I feel a deep wish to be close along with a paralyzing fear of losing love of the relationship.
I am easily confused or disoriented, especially when stressed. It is important for my partner to keep arrangements simple and clear.
I insist on self-reliance, have difficulty reaching out when I need help and do many of life's tasks or my hobbies, alone.
I am always yearning for something or someone that I feel I cannot have and rarely feeling satisfied.

* Quiz is not compatible with Internet Explorer.

Your Attachment Style (See Graph Below)

  • Secure
  • Avoidant
  • Anxious/Ambivalent
  • Disorganized

Read about attachment styles

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